Wednesday, July 14, 2021

Final Notes for The Moment of Lift

Thank you for your interest in the Grannies (Gogos) and children in the Valley of 1000 Hills, South Africa. 

The following links present a picture of special projects encouraging empowerment of women and children in the Valley of 1000 Hills, SA. These stories parallel many of the experiences described by Melinda Gates in her book The Moment of Lift. 


1. Hillcrest AIDS Centre Trust Home of the Granny Project, Gogolympics, Woza Moya Craft Shop and many other extraordinary programs. 

* Hillaids.org.za 

*Wozamoya.co.za The little craft shop that grew, and grew and grew! 

Gogolympics A celebration of the spirit of the Grannies, created in 2010 by Zulu nurse Cwengi Myeni and Canadian friend Carolyn Nixon. We are hoping to celebrate the 10th almost-annual Gogolympics next year. 

* Gogolympics – Granny Olympics 2014 on YouTube.com and *Gogolympics 2011, an 

amateurish video filmed by one of the young Zulu members on the organizing ommittee of our 

first Gogolympics. Enjoy! 


2. Imbeleko – Dr. Seni Myeni Foundation of Hope 

A life-changing foundation created with love by Sbu Myeni to follow the dream of her late twin-sister, Dr. Seni Myeni, to provide education and empowerment to disadvantaged youth in the Valley of 1000 Hills. 

*Imbeleko.org 

*Imbeleko Twins 

*A Journey of Hope A personal chat with Sbu as she describes the Valley where she and her twin sister grew up and the motivation for the creation of Imbeleko. 

lInk: Journey of Hope, Albert Wisco Youtube 


3. Philakade Care Home A wonderful work-in-progress. The dream-come-true of an amazing nurse, MaryAnn Carpenter to fill a desperate need in the Valley of 1000 Hills. 

Follow the progress on the Facebook website. *Philakade Care Home 

All of these organizations will be celebrating Nelson Mandela Day, July 16, Nelson Mandela’s birthday. 

All South Africans and global supporters are called on to spend 67 minutes working for the good of others. 

The number 67 symbolizes the number of years that Nelson Mandela spent fighting for social justice. 


Thank you again for your interest ... or as the Gogos would say “Ngiyabonga”. 

Monday, June 7, 2021

Session Four: Wednesday, June 9 - 2:00 - 4:00 pm

Final book club session blog notes , Wednesday June 9, 2021



Melinda Gates speaks highly of Hans Rosling, a Swedish professor of international health.  (Look for Hans Rosling in Ted Talks)  Following her last visit with him in 2016, she said “He knew what was true, and he wanted to give me the lesson of his life one last time.” (239) On a piece of paper he sketched two roads crossing and a river intersecting the roads where they met. And he said “If you live near the crossroads or if you live near the river, you’re going to be okay and as he marked the four corners of the page he said “but if you live on the margins, the world is going to forget about you.”  “Melinda, you can’t let the world forget about them.”  (240)

The diagram was a depiction of both geographic and social isolation from the flow of life. (240)

Melinda believes strongly that women must leave the margins and “take our place not above men or below them but beside them at the centre of society, adding our voices and making decisions we are qualified and entitled to make” (262)


In Chapter 8 Creating a New Culture, Women in the Workplace, Melinda tells of a most influential woman in her life that she only met once.  In a final job interview at IBM, Melinda was offered a position and then moments later this same woman advised Melinda to take a position with Microsoft where there would likely be more opportunities for Melinda. Here is a woman who put another young woman, a young college graduate’s interests first, before her own recruiting interests.   The woman said, “I’m a passionate advocate for women in the field of technology and I want to pay forward the generosity of my mentors and role models. (202)  


Melinda was successful at Microsoft but in a short time, she found that the work was draining.  She didn’t feel like she was able to be herself.  She was struggling with the culture.  She admits, “By trying to fit in, I was strengthening the culture that made me feel like I didn’t fit in.” (210) 

Does this resonate with you? Have you ever been in a culture where you felt like you had to change yourself in order to fit in?

Charlotte, her friend and colleague at Microsoft said “it’s not okay for women to cry at work, but it is okay for men to YELL at work. “ She asks, “Which is the more mature emotional response”? (211-212)


Men also face cultural obstacles at work that keep them from being who they are. (215).


An unhealthy work place culture for women results in less pay, fewer raises, slower promotions, women being told they’re a “bad fit”; don’t have what it takes; lack of training, mentoring and sponsorship.

Gates says “Opportunities have to be equal before you can know if abilities are equal.  Opportunities for women have never been equal. People see the effects of poor nurture and call it nature.  This is how gender bias plants the evidence.” (222)


What barriers affect women in the workplace? Research suggests that women often have more self-doubt than men; women often underestimate their abilities while men over estimate theirs; women fear failure more than men. Women are more averse to risk; women are more likely than men to face backlash if they show assertiveness (outside social norms) so they have come to fear backlash and be less assertive.  There is social approval for women who don’t ask for much, who show self-doubt, who don’t seek power; who wont speak out, who aim to please.  (You’ll recall the popular depiction of the perfect 1950’s housewife)


Melinda tells Susan Fowler’s story, a high performing employee who experienced various forms of sexual abuse while working for the company Uber.  After seeking help, she was advised by Uber Human Resources that she should transfer teams to avoid further sexual advances by her manager (saying he had an excellent work record and wrongly suggesting that this was a first offense).  She found a new role in the company that she loved and received excellent performance reviews.  But then her new manager filed poor performance reviews to keep her on his team (reduce possibility of promotion).  These performance reviews had many detrimental affects. HR would not support her and suggested that “maybe she was the problem”.  Susan left the company and wrote a public blog about the experience. The  company hired a lawyer whose subsequent report resulted in the CEO’s forced resignation and 20 others were fired.   (216-2218)

A few months later the Harvey Weinstein scandal broke and women from around the world shared their stories of sexual harassment with the hash tag #Me Too.  In 2017 Susan was the Time’s Person of the year.  The magazine called her one of the “silence breakers”.


What Melinda says next is key. She reminds us how important it is to also support women who are in blue collar jobs and service sector jobs, women who don’t have access to social media, whose abusers are not famous, whose stories aren’t interesting to reporters, and who live from paycheck to paycheck. (Women in the margins)


Melinda asks “How can abusers dominate for so long?   It is partly because; she says, “ When women are trying to decide whether we should stand up we don’t know if others will stand with us.  It often takes many women, arms linked to inspire other women to speak.” (220)


She believes “that we need to do more than identify the abusers; we have to heal the unhealthy culture that supports them.” (221) She adds that “the most common signs of an abusive culture is a false hierarchy that puts women below men and even worse treats them as objects.” (222)


Melinda writes that the barriers for women in the workplace led her to perfectionism. She says it comes from a desperate need not to disappoint others. (232) A workplace that is hospitable to women will not only forgive our imperfections but accommodate our needs – especially the most profound need to take care of one another.”  This includes our children and our aging parents.  Did you know that “the US is one of only seven countries in the world that do not provide paid maternity leave.” (237)  


In BrenĂ© Brown’s interview with Melinda on her podcast called “Unlocking Us’ (January 2021), she reveals that “in the month of December 2020 there were 140,000 jobs shed in the US economy and women accounted for 100% of these jobs lost.  Of these 140,000 women, they were disproportionately black, indigenous and women of colour.  She says there are two reasons for this: #1 -  women hold many of the low wage service industry jobs which were lost due to the pandemic and #2 - the burden of caregiving for children (and other family members in need) is falling to women during the pandemic.  

Melinda said she had to fact-check this three times to ensure it was correct.  I listened to this segment several times to make sure I heard it correctly.  I did.


“This is symptomatic of a workplace that struggles with sexual harassment, gender bias and indifference to family life.”  All these issues are aggravated by one reality; fewer women in positions of power.” (238)

---


In Chapter 9  Let Your Heart Break, The Lift of Coming Together,  Melinda takes a lesson from Dorothy Day who says

“The lesson I’ve learned from women in social movements all over the world is that to bring about a revolution of the heart, you have to let your heart break.” 

“This means sinking into the pain that’s underneath the anger.  If you don’t accept the suffering, hurt can turn to hatred.” (258)


In 2003 India was a country with more than a billion people facing a deadly epidemic whose defeat would involve an extensive partnership with the most despised group in a deeply cast-conscious society.  Knowing this, the Gates Foundation proceeded to launch an HIV prevention program in India that relied on the leadership of this group, the sex workers.  To be successful in their endeavor they ended up funding women’s empowerment by creating safe spaces where women on the outmost margins of society, excluded by everyone, could come together to talk, drink tea, find human loving connection, let their hearts break, and lift each other up. 


---


Gates says “lasting progress will not come from a power struggle; it will come from a moral appeal.  As we bring gender bias out from behind tis disguises, more and more men and women will see bias where they hadn’t suspected it and will stand against it.  That’s how we change the norms that hide the biases we were blind to. We see them and we end them.” (262)


In the Epilogue Melinda Gates says:


“Love is what lifts us up…

When we come together we rise. 

We see ourselves in others. We see ourselves as others.

That is the moment of lift.” (264)



Questions:


As you studied Melinda’s book over the last six weeks, did you find yourself thinking back about your own life stories and the stories of your children, your parents and grandparents? 

What was the role that gender bias played in these stories?  

Did you have an experience when you were younger that would not occur today?


Gates says lasting progress will come from moral appeal. We must see gender bias and end it. 


Has this book changed your understanding and scope of what it means to empower women?  


Will you be able to see gender bias more easily now?


Will the book impact how you look at gender bias in the world going forward?  


Hans Rosling told Melinda “You can’t let the world forget about the people on the margins.” 

What can you and I do to help remember people pushed to the margins and bring them back to the centre?



Friday, June 4, 2021

Session Four: Wednesday, June 9 - 2:00 - 4:00 pm

Looking forward to our 4th session this Wednesday June 9th from 2:00 to 4:00 as usual.

You can expect Anne to add some additional content to this Blog, including preview of Questions for our consideration and discussion a couple of days in advance of June 9th.

In the meantime, here are a couple of documentary movies you might want to watch on the topic of the need to empower women.
Both deal with real-life, old tribal male-dominated customs that victimize women. Difficult subject matter that speaks directly to the kind of the cultural barriers confronting Melinda and the Gates Foundation in their quest to Uplift and Empower Women.

The are currently available on CRAVE streaming service, if you can access it.

1.  A  40 minute short-doc. called “A Girl In The River- The Price of Forgiveness”  about a girl who survives an ‘honour-killing’.
2.  A  90 minute documentary called “Shame” about a Pakistani woman Mukhtaran Mai, who is sentenced to be gang-raped as family-penance for an alleged crime of her brother’s.
Muhtaran herself, becomes a ‘Woman of Lift’ in her tiny village and gains world-wise support and attention for her courageous activism.

Monday, May 17, 2021

Session Three: Wednesday, May 26 2:00 - 4:00 pm

 Overarching question

We have read a lot of different stories from Melinda in the chapters we have read. These chapters and the linking of their main ideas are beginning to develop some larger overarching questions. You might want to begin to think about some of these as you read this time. 

If you are not reading, they are still pretty powerful questions!!

All you need is love

Has Melinda been listening to our gatherings at West Hill?

Girls who go to school feel more confident and powerful. Women who are allowed to choose if and when they have children are more powerful. These women then work for the betterment for all lives in their communities, creating a tide of positive change that ripples throughout.

The goal is for everyone to be connected. The goal is for everyone to belong. The goal is for everyone to be loved.

So, like the Beatles said, all you need is love? Sounds simple, but Gates argues that it’s true. In summary, equity is a goal but it’s not the goal: “The goal is for everyone to be connected. The goal is for everyone to belong. The goal is for everyone to be loved.”

Would you agree?

Gates’ friend Killian Noe, founder of the Recovery CafĂ©, explains this principle behind her work: “To be known without being loved is terrifying. To be loved without being known has no power to change us. But to be known and deeply loved transforms us” (149). 


Where do you see yourself on this spectrum of being deeply known and/or loved? 


Have you had experiences of being one or the other, neither or both, and what impact did that have on your ability to be “excited about living”?


Is change a good thing?

Gates asks, “What gives me the right, as an outsider, to support efforts to change the culture of communities I’m not part of?” --- a question that many Westerners have when looking for ways to help developing countries .

No one is more aware of what it looks like when billionaires sweep in to solve the problems of people who live on the poorest and most neglected margins of society than Gates. She openly acknowledges this, wrestles with the concept, and defers to experts in their fields on every point who know more than her.


How do you perceive her work? 

Does she try to change the culture in the places she visits? Is this a good thing?

What methods does she employ to try to encourage change? Do they improve the issue?

How do the personal narratives in THE MOMENT OF LIFT break down the barriers that encourage exclusion, which Melinda cites as a major cause of inequality and suffering? 


Is listening enough?

Visit Melinda’s website, Evoke.org, which is a hub for empowering stories by and about women making a difference in their communities and join the conversation with #MomentofLift on social media. 

On this web site was the statement:

Something powerful happens when you ask a woman to tell her story. And sometimes, the most forceful statement of support we can make for a woman is the one we make by listening.

Melinda has shared many stories from women she has met in her book. In reading these stories we are effectively listening to these women.  Do you share her opinion that this is the most forceful statement of support? 

Do you imagine ways to extend this support?

Is there anything you plan to do differently to help accelerate progress towards gender equality in your own home, workplace and community?  


Specific topics this session

One of the most disempowering phenomena holding women back is child marriage.

At a dinner hosted by Dutch Princess Mabel van Oranje, the author became aware of how the horrors of child marriage tied in closely with her foundation’s pursuits in family planning and newborn and maternal health. She learned that child brides are the least likely group of girls to use contraceptives. What she was even more horrified to find out is that the number one cause of death among 15 to 19 year-old-girls is going through childbirth.

Child brides are a widespread phenomenon. In 2012, an estimated 14 million child marriages occurred, and a third of girls in emerging economies were married before turning 18. What’s more shocking is that almost 10 percent were married before turning 15.

Princess Mabel’s organization, Girls Not Brides, has the singular goal of putting a stop to child marriage by removing the social and economic incentives that cause it to happen in the first place. One of the major driving forces behind child marriage is, of course, poverty. When a daughter can be married off for money, her family will be better off – and have one less child of which to take care. 

Gates states that “It’s important to be able to save girls from marriage, but it’s more important to address the incentives that prompt parents to marry off their underage daughters in the first place.”

These reasons notwithstanding, the toll that child marriage takes on girls’ lives is truly tragic. In poorer rural communities, it is often the case that girls are uprooted from their family and friends and shipped off to neighboring villages where they have no social connections. And from that point on, they are expected to take care of all housework, cleaning, cooking – and pregnancy. Altogether, child marriage is among the most disempowering experiences through which a girl can go.

Learning about all of this inspired the author to make a difference, so she teamed up with Tostan, an organization focused on empowering women in West Africa. Instead of Westerners telling developing countries how to behave, Tostan attempts to foster discussion on changing local traditions from the inside. In one program in Senegal, trained facilitators are sent to villages where they set up community workshops to discuss ideal futures that the villagers want to see for themselves. Gates talks about empathy barriers stymying all efforts of development. The founder of Tostan tells Gates that outrage can save one girl or two but only empathy can change the system. The approach of Tostan is not to judge from the outside but to discuss from the inside. They teach that ever person has fundamental rights.

Over time, the villagers realized the negative effects that child marriage was having on girls in their communities. This was not something they wanted to keep happening in the future. All in all, Tostan has been extremely successful – 8,500 communities in which they have worked have promised to put a stop to child brides.

“Tradition without discussion kills moral progress,” writes Melinda Gates.

“If you’re handed a tradition and decide not to talk about it—just do it—then you’re letting people from the past tell you what to do. It kills the chance to see the blind spots in the tradition—and moral blind spots always take the form of excluding others and ignoring their pain.”

On the other hand: When communities challenge their own social norms in this way, people who were forced to bear the pain of a practice that benefited others now have their needs recognized, and their burdens eased. In the case of child marriage, a community-wide discussion based on empathy and guided by equality leads to a world where a woman’s marriage is no longer forced, her wedding day is no longer tragic, and her schooling doesn’t end when she’s 10. When you examine old practices to take out bias and add in empathy, everything changes.


Despite the success of Tostan, Gates is still questioning herself as to what makes it work and what gives her the right to get involved. Although she is funding the work of local people, the work of these insiders could be opposed by other insiders and she is choosing to back one group of insiders over another. “How am I not using my power to impose my values on a community?” 

How do you feel about her involvement?

Gates outlines her beliefs and values on page 172 and feels that they are not personal values but universal values, and that she joins battles for changing social norms when she can support a move away from a culture that makes one group dominant over others. 

Do you believe that they are Universal values?

How closely do you feel her values align with those we hold at West Hill? 

Do you feel you would join her battle?

How did you feel when you heard that Fati; who had a fistula develop during childbirth and was kicked out in disgust by her husband; was hoping to heal so that she could return to her husband? Was it hard not to judge?

Gates says that gender based violence is “one of the most common human rights abuses in the world”. She continues, “There is no equality without safety”. Gender based violence is increasingly being reported here in Canada. Trafficking is all around us, along the 401 corridor particularly, with indigenous women being hugely affected by this. 

What do you imagine we could do to help here?

Gate states that conversation accelerates change when the people who are talking to each other are getting better at being human and the starting point for human improvement is empathy. “Empathy allows for listening, and listening leads to understanding. That’s how we gain a common base of knowledge.” 

Do you have any examples of such listening leading to understanding?

Women are being held back in the world of agriculture, and the consequences are dire.

The Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation was first interested in transforming agriculture through science alone --- developing seeds that would help farmers grow more food --- but ultimately discovered that gender bias would keep better seeds from reaching --- or benefiting the people who plant them. The resistance of some team members to shift views leads Gates to question in the book: 

“How do you follow your plan and yet keep listening to new ideas? 

How can you hold your strategy lightly, so you’ll be able to hear the new idea that blows it up?” (185). 

Have you ever had to convince people in your work or family life to see things from a different perspective?

While most people in developed countries rely on supermarkets for food, the situation is quite different elsewhere. Not only are hundreds of millions of people growing food for their survival but data also shows that 70 percent of the poorest people in the world farm small plots of land to sell food to make ends meet.

The author’s foundation has been addressing the problems faced by this 70 percent for over a decade. By widening access to better seeds and holding workshops on more efficient farming techniques, they have made inroads into reducing malnutrition and poverty.

During a visit to Malawi in 2015, she met Patricia, a farmer trying to improve her crop yield in order to afford to send her children to school. But the cards were stacked against her – in Malawi, women cannot inherit land, meaning that unlike male farmers, she had to rent the land upon which she farmed. In addition, most women in her community don’t have control over their family’s spending. So if she needed additional farming supplies to up her yield, it was up to her husband to decide whether she got them or not.

Luckily, Patricia and her husband partook in CARE Pathways, a program that teaches farming techniques and the importance of gender equality in agriculture. During one of the sessions, Patricia and her husband took part in a family budgeting exercise, where they discussed how they could best invest their money to produce more results.

Patricia told the author that attending the program transformed her life. Not only did her husband begin accepting her requests for better farming equipment, but the program provided her with better seeds designed to produce bigger crop yields. Not only did these seeds quadruple her crop yield, they also allowed her enough additional income to send her children to school. What’s more, she was also able to empower other women in the community by providing them with the better seeds.

But Patricia is not alone. A 2011 study showed that female farmers in developing nations produce about 30 percent fewer crops than men, even though they are equally skilled. The study concluded that if women were empowered with better resources, their crop yields could match those of men. The resulting food surplus could lift 150 million people out of food poverty.

NEW LINK

This link should open a radio interview which aired yesterday on CBC radio 1 The Current with Matt Galloway. It’s called ‘addressing child marriage in Canada’ The last bit is very specific to Canada. Definitely worth a listen.


Questions to ponder as you read or review the Chapter

  1. At the beginning of Catherine Bertini’s tenure with the Gates Foundation she was introduced to Bill Gates as “here working on gender.”

That word seemed to provoke Bill Gates . Melinda states that he supported women’s empowerment and gender equity but thought they would distract the foundation from the goal of growing more food and feeding more people and that would hurt their effectiveness.  Others said “We are not becoming a social justice organization.”

Eventually he and many others at the foundation “came to agree that gender equity should drive the work we’re all trying to do.”

Were you surprised by Bill’s views?

Do you have other examples of where gender equity does or should drive the work?

  1. Melinda cites the gender barriers that prevent women from success in farming in developing countries despite the fact that they are good farmers. She says hitting these gender barriers could have made her step back and think that, “Culture change is not our role.” 

What makes her move forward? 

Do you feel that she is right to do so?

  1. Fighting for gender equity in agriculture was never Melinda’s plan. She asks “How do you follow your plan and yet keep listening for new ideas?” 

Have you had a similar experience? 

Can you answer her question from personal experience? 

Does she answer her own question? 

  1. The foundation began slowly and speaking softly to people who wanted to hear how a gender focus could help them achieve their goals. Melinda found it too slow. Eventually she wrote an article for an issue of “Science”, setting out the foundation’s commitment to gender equity. Principally it was a message to everyone who worked at the Foundation. She describes it as the strongest lever she ever pulled to direct the focus and emphasis of the Foundation. Were you surprised that she considered this a strong lever pull? 

Were you surprised that she pulled the lever?

Can you think of any times when you or others have pulled a strong lever?

5. Gates states that empowerment never confines itself to categories. Once the agriculture issues began to make improvements the women started looking for new battles to fight and started to carry themselves differently. They were activists. They had been lifted up. This is the work that has been accelerated by the Foundation since Gates wrote her article for “Science”.

They are seeing the results that come from putting women and girls at the centre of their strategy.

Can you think of similar situations in our own society?

Can you think of situations that need such a strategy in our own society?

6. Gates states that disrespect grows when religions are dominated by men. This is echoed by Jimmy Carter who calls the deprivation and abuse of women “the most serious and unaddressed worldwide challenge,” and he lays the principal blame on men’s false interpretation of scripture.”

How do you feel about such statements?

7. Gates feels that bias against women is perhaps humanity’s oldest prejudice, and not only are religions our oldest institutions, but they change more slowly and grudgingly than all the others – which means they hold on to their biases and blind spots longer.

Do you feel the changes we have made at West Hill have eliminated these biases or is there still room for improvement?



Tuesday, May 4, 2021

Session Two – Book Study - Wednesday May 12, 2:00 – 4:00 p.m.

Chapter four entitled “Lifting Their Eyes” Girls in Schools 


In chapter four, Melinda tells the stories of women and girls who have talked about their dreams of getting an education and the barriers that they had to overcome in order to go to school.  She tells of the ‘agents of development’ in Mexico, Bangladesh and Kenya successfully building schools for girls despite the barriers.  Each case proved that girls’ education brought many benefits to the entire country.


Melina talks about the “Incomparable lift of school”. “Girls education can have transformative effects on the health, empowerment, and economic advancement.  

She says,  ”When kids learn something new, they see they can grow; that can lift their sense of self and change their future. “ (p 93)

“All the women I’ve talked to and all the data I’ve seen convince me that the most transforming force of education for women and girls is changing the self-image of the girl who goes to school. That’s where the lift is.” (p 108)


“The secret of an empowering education: A girl learns she is not who she’s been told she is.  She is the equal of anyone… with rights she needs to assert and defend.” This is how the great movements of social change get traction: when outsiders reject the low self-image society has imposed on them and begin to author a self-image of their own.” (p 108)


 “I’ve seen two sets of curriculum in many school districts across the United States – one group of students studying Algebra II while the other were taught how to balance a checkbook. The first group would head to college and careers; the second group would struggle to make a living.” (p 93, 94)

“People who’ve been treated like outsiders often come to school thinking they don’t deserve more and should never demand it because they won’t get it.  Good schools change that view.” (p 93, 94)  


Vickie, a woman raised in Kentucky, now working for the Foundation said “Where I grew up, a lot of people didn’t want excellence in schools. It scared people.” “The day I came home and told my parents “I’m going to college” my stepfather said “Don’t ever plan on coming back because your values are not our values.”   “Is what we have not good enough? Are you saying we’re not good enough for you?”


On discovering that you were not who you were told you were:


Tell us about a time when you realized you were not the person that other(s) expected you to be.

i.e. - Did you ever find yourself rejecting an imposed image of yourself and author a new image for yourself?


Tell us about a time when you discovered you were good at something and it affected your attitude, (your self image) about yourself.


Melinda tells the story of the young girls called Musahar, (means literally “rat eaters”) the “untouchables” in India.  From the time they were born, society was constantly telling them they are completely worthless.   Sister Sudha Varghese set up a school for these young women where she taught them; “You have the same rights as other people.  And you must have skills to defend your rights.” (p 111)  Here they learned self-defense and ultimately won gold and silver medals in the sport of karate on the national stage.  The minister of Bihar offered to pay their way to the world championships in Japan. (p 108 – 112)


It gave me chills when I read about the story of the Musahar girls overcoming hardship beyond belief. Their spirits soared well above their oppressors. 


Melinda says “One of my favorite lines of scripture is “The last will be first, and the first will be last.” I (Kevin ) like to quote it this way with the lyric from Bob Dylan’s ‘The Times they are a Changing’ “For the loser now will be later to win”. 


Does this have meaning for you?   

Tell us about a particular time when you felt the times were changing and the loser proved to later win.


Tell us about a particular incident that really struck you in chapter 4  - Lifting Their Eyes – Girls in Schools.

  

Melinda writes: “A low self-image and oppressive social customs are inner and outer versions of the same force.” (p 112) 

“The first defense against a culture that hates you is a person who loves you.  

Love is the most powerful and underused force for change in the world.  You don’t hear about it in policy discussions or political debates.  But Mother Teresa, Albert Schweitzer, Mohandas Gandhi, Dorothy Day, Desmond Tutu, and Martin Luther King Jr. all did hardheaded, tough-minded work for social justice, and they all put the emphasis on love.  

  It’s a mark of our culture’s uneasiness with love that political candidates never talk about it as qualification for holding public office.  In my view, love is one of the highest qualifications one can have.  As one of my favourite spiritual teaches, Franciscan priest Richard Rohr, says ‘Only love can safely handle power.’”

 (p 113)


Share your thoughts about this idea that “only love can handle power”.  


Why do you think many politicians do not outwardly lead with love?



Chapter five entitled The Silent Inequality - Unpaid work


Breaking News! -  It was announced May 3rd that after 27 years together Bill & Melinda were divorcing.  This news may affect the way you view Melinda’s stories about trying to form a more perfect partnership with husband Bill.


In this chapter Melinda shares many personal stories about her own struggles to find her own voice and equality in her partnership in her marriage and as a co-founder of the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation. She does this because “first, I believe that women gain equality not couple by couple but by changing the culture, and we can change the culture by sharing our stories…. Second, I’m sharing my stories because it seems false to me to work on issues in the world while pretending I have them solved in my own life.  I need to be open about my flaws or I may fall into the conceit of thinking I’m here on earth to solve other people’s problems.”(p 148)


On page 134 Melinda describes a “crisis of self” when she no longer was using her education and skills as a business executive; she was living isolated because her husband travelled so much and she was now in a large house where she didn’t feel at home raising a new baby for the first time. 

She asked herself “Who do I want to be in this marriage? And it pushed me to figure out who I was and what I wanted to do. “  


In a big or small way, describe a time when you, (or someone close to you), experienced a “crisis of self”. 

Did you realize what it was at the time?   What did you learn from it? 


On page 131, Melinda shares ideas from the book “Journey of the Heart”. John Welwood writes, “Anything that one partner ignores, the other will feel a greater need to emphasize.”  (p 131)  

“This dynamic is what allows some partners to ignore things that they actually do care about, because they know their partner will do the work for both of them.” (p 131)   “But leaving to your partner something that you also care about leads to separation”, Melinda writes.


On page 147 Melinda shares Bill’s words “… we never want to have something where one of us is cast in the carefree role and the other is in this bothersome role.  Better to have it as a mutual challenge.”  In Melinda’s words “We try to make sure we don’t make one person do the dirty work... when you come together to share the unpleasant work, its an attack on hierarchy.” 


Melinda talks about a group headed by Gary Barker called “MenCare” which urges men around the world to take on caregiving tasks and presents persuasive data on why men should want to do that.  “Men who share caregiving duties are happier.  They have better relationships.  They have happier children.” (p 129-130)


When the youngest Gates child started school in 2001, Bill and Melinda found an ideal school 30 -40 minutes away.  This meant a lot of time driving for Melinda. After bringing it to Bill’s attention he offered to do some of the driving. “’Seriously? You’ll do that?” “Sure, he said, “It’ll give me time to talk with Jenn.” (126) Bill took on driving twice a week even though the school was the opposite direction from his work, adding over an hour to his commute. A month later, Melinda noticed many more dad’s driving kids to school.  Melinda asked one of the mom’s “hey what’s up? There are a lot of Dads here.” The mom replied “When we saw Bill driving, we went home and said to our husbands, Bill Gates is driving his child to school; you can, too.” (p 125-126)


Tell us about examples where male (good or bad) role modeling has shaped other men’s behavior. 


Tell us how you have shared the dirty work to create greater fairness in a partnership.



On pages 137- 139, Melinda writes about the lessons she learned from her parents and those Bill learned from his Mom and Dad.  Bill Gates Sr wrote in an academic paper shortly after his 21st birthday in 1946,  “The most outstanding idea in Gatesland is the idea of the perfect state in which women will have all equal rights to men.  The female would be as common in the professions and business as the male…” 


Reflect on your life growing up with your caregivers/parents. 

Describe how the division of roles and responsibilities in your household were different, (or the same), to those of your caregivers/parents?  


How did society or culture inform how their roles evolved or changed over time?


How did your parents, (or grandparents), influence the relationship you had/have with your family? 


Please share with us a particular passage that spoke to you from chapter 5 The Silent Inequality – Unpaid Work.

Saturday, April 24, 2021

The Moment of Lift 

How Empowering Women Changes the World


We hope that you will join in the book study.  All are welcome.  Even if you haven’t read the book you will want to join in the conversation. 


Virtual book club meetings:


Wednesday    April 28th at 2:00 pm EST - chapters 1,2,3 (start to page 89)

Wednesday May 12th at 2:00 pm EST- chapters 4, 5 (pages 89-150)

Wednesday May 26th at 2:00 pm EST- chapters 6, 7 (pages 151- 200)

Wednesday June 9th         at 2:00 pm EST- chapters 8, 9 (pages 201- 273)



For the last twenty years, as co-chair of the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation, Melinda Gates has been on a mission to find solutions for people with the most urgent needs, wherever they live. Throughout this journey, one thing has become increasingly clear to her: If you want to lift a society up, you need to stop keeping women down.


Gates traces her awakening to the link between women's empowerment and the health of societies. She introduces us to her heroes in the movement towards equality, offers startling data, shares moving conversations with women from all over the world—and shows how we can all get involved.


A personal statement of passionate conviction, this book tells of Gates' journey from a partner working behind the scenes to one of the world's foremost advocates for women, driven by the belief that no one should be excluded, all lives have equal value, and gender equity is the lever that lifts everything.

(words with the help of “Good Reads”)

Data proves facts, but stories change hearts (from “Ladders 7 Lessons from Melinda Gate’s first book”)

Throughout her work, Gates has conquered the balancing act that exists between using data and telling stories to identify issues and persuade others to help.

Even data about women comes with a bias, according to Gates. “You need a quantitative mix with qualitative so that you get a full picture of people’s lives,” Gates said.

Melinda Gates does share statistics, for example, that less than 5% of Fortune 500 CEOs are women. Data helps to identify the scale of an issue, but Gates’s call to action rests on the many stories from women she has met. “Stories are data with a soul,” Gates said.

A few words from Melinda:

Now, the world is finally waking up to the fact that none of us can move forward when half of us are held back. The data is clear: empowered women transform societies.

This is a book that argues progress is possible, but it’s as much about people as it is about ideas. It’s a chance to tell my story, but much more importantly, it’s a chance to tell the extraordinary stories of the women I have met from around the world. I wrote it as part of a promise to myself to do everything I can to ensure that their voices are amplified and their experiences are represented in the world’s most important conversations.


Additional Reading, Information Sources and Resources 

There are a ton of reading resources, Podcasts, Documentaries, movies, TED talks and You Tube interviews available on this subject and related topics.  Here are just a few:

Quotes, Comments and Questions for Reflection

Why the title of the book?  Melinda describes the inspiration behind the title of her book The Moment of Lift.  She describes the thrill she felt as a young girl watching the Apollo spacecraft launching- “especially that moment of lift when the engines ignite, the earth shakes, and the rocket starts to rise”.  Gates wrote “The Moment we broke through gravity. That’s what I want to see for women and girls around the world”. 

Through her work as a philanthropist, she maintains the sense of wonder of curiosity with all the people she meets and shares their stories.

  1. Can you recall a time in your own life when you experienced barriers or burdens that held you down? Did you experience a similar feeling of grace or lift in the moment those burdens were removed? 

Melinda describes bullying she observed in her elementary school classroom… “Either we were bullies, or we were victims, or we saw bullying and didn’t stop it.” (pgs. 50,51) She states, “Adults try to create outsiders, too. In fact, we get better at it.  And most of us fall into one of the same three groups:  The people who try to create outsiders, the people who are made to feel like outsiders, and the people who stand by and don’t stop it.” … “ Anyone can be made to feel like an outsider.  It’s up to the people who have the power to exclude.  Often it’s on the basis of race.  Depending on a culture’s fears and biases, Jews...  Muslims…  Christians can be treated as outsiders…  The poor are always outsiders…. the sick…. people with disabilities… LGBYQ…. immigrants… and in most every society, women can be made to feel like outsiders – even in their own homes”. (p. 51, 52)

  1. Can you think of a time when you found yourself in a situation (perhaps in school or at work) where you observed someone being treated without respect for no other purpose than to reduce their self worth (ultimately to push them out and marginalize)? At the time, did you realize what was happening?  Did you feel at risk to call it out?

Melinda goes on to explain why she feels this occurs… “We tend to push out the people who have qualities we’re most afraid we will find in ourselves – and sometimes we falsely ascribe qualities we disown to certain groups, then push those groups out as a way of denying those traits in ourselves.  This is what drives dominant groups to push different racial and religious groups to the margins.” (p. 52) She says why we allow this to happen… “… we invent excuses for our need to exclude.  We say it’s about merit or tradition when it’s really just protecting our privilege and our pride.” (p. 52)

  1. Do you agree with Melinda’s assessment about why people push people out to the margins?  Can you say more about her assessment?
  1. Melinda shares stories in her own life and the lives of the many people that she has met in her travels, as a way to inspire all of us to lift each other up and to help to remove barriers holding others down.  Can you think of individuals in your own life that you have helped to lift up in a big or small way? Who has lifted you up?

In Chapter three, Melinda tells the compelling story about meeting Meena, a young mother who’s children were born at home except for the newborn which was born at a new clinic with maternal and newborn care. Melinda could tell that Meena felt good about the new clinic which provided her help and guidance on giving her baby it’s best start.  She held her baby as they talked.  When Melinda asked her if she wanted anymore children, she answered ‘ “The truth is no, I don’t want to have any more kids.  We’re very poor.  My husband works hard, but we’re just extremely poor.  I don’t know how I’m going to feed this child.  I have no hopes for educating him.  In fact I have no hopes for this child’s future at all... The only hope I have for this child’s future, is if you’ll take him home with you.” Then she put her hand on the head of the 2-year old at her leg and said, “Please take him, too.” ’  Melinda reflected on how this conversation went from being joyous about a healthy start for the baby.. “to a dark confession about a mother’s suffering – suffering so great that the pain of giving her babies away was less than the pain of keeping them.” (p. 56)

Melinda goes on to say that “when women can time and space their births, maternal mortality drops, newborn and child mortality drops, the mother and baby are healthier, the parents have more time and energy to care for each child, and families can put resources toward the nutrition and education of each one.  “There was no intervention more powerful- and no intervention that had become more neglected.”  (p. 56)

Funding for family planning had dropped significantly since the early 1990’s.  Melinda accepted the challenge to host for an international family planning summit in 2011 although as a Catholic, she was reluctant to put herself front and centre on the issue of birth control. “Advocates for family planning had to make it clear that we were not talking about population control.  We were not talking about coercion.  The summit agenda was not about abortion.  It was about meeting the contraceptive needs of women and allowing them to choose for themselves whether and when to have children.” (p. 60)

“The Catholic Church’s powerful opposition to contraceptives has also affected the conversation on family planning.  Outside of governments, the church is the largest provider of education and medical services in the world, and this gives it great presence and impact in the lives of the poor.” (p. 69)

After the summit, Melinda was asked ‘ “Can you take actions which are in conflict with a teaching of the Church and still be part of the Church?” Melinda answers that question in her book: “That depends, I was told, on whether you are true to your conscience, and whether your conscience is informed by the Church.”  She adds, “In my case, the teachings of the Catholic Church helped form my conscience and led me into this work in the first place.  Faith in action to me means going to the margins of society, seeking out those who are isolated, and bringing them back in.  I was putting my faith into action when I went into the field and met the women who asked me about contraceptives.  So, yes, there is a Church teaching against contraceptives – but there is another Church teaching, which is love of neighbour.  When a woman who wants her children to thrive asks me for contraceptives, her plea puts these two Church teachings into conflict, and my conscience tells me to support the woman’s desire to keep her children alive. To me, that aligns with Christ’s teaching to love my neighbour.” (p. 73)

“I’m not going to let women and babies die because of a religious belief,” Gates said. “That makes no sense to me.”

  1. Does Gates’ conflict with her religion resonate with your own experience with religion or spirituality?

Speaking as a Canadian woman in my late 60’s (Anne J is writing this), through the years, I have noticed many changes to my rights and opportunities as well of those of my female ancestors.  Here are a few on the topic of a woman’s role in employment and family… My grandmother told me that she had to quit working once she married in the mid 1920’s.  A note of interest- she was not considered a “Person” in the Canadian constitution until October 1929.  My own mother had to quit her job when she became pregnant and started to “show” in the early 50’s.  My peers who had babies in the 70’s and 80’s had to go back to work 12 weeks after having their babies or lose their job.  When I had my children in the early 90’s I was allowed a 6-month maternity leave before it necessary to go back to work.  Today a new parent can take up to 18 months of parental leave (mother /father). They are eligible for EI and some employers offer salary top-ups to workers during their parental leaves.

  1. Reflect on the changes you’ve observed through your lifetime regarding the attitudes, social norms, laws or conventions that have affected women you have known. (could consider parental expectations, birth control access, education, employment, unpaid work, etc.)

Melinda reflects on the first time she was asked if she was a feminist… “I didn’t know what to say because I didn’t think of myself as a feminist.  I’m not sure I knew then what a feminist was.”… “Twenty-two years later, I am an ardent feminist.  To me, it’s very simple.  Being a feminist means believing that every woman should be able to use her voice and pursue her potential, and that women and men should all work together to take down the barriers and end the biases that still hold women back.”

  1. How has your own attitude toward the word “feminism or feminist” changed over time?